These are the best chemistry and periodic table jokes, puns, and one-liners on the internet!

The jokes below are appropriate for kids and adults alike and are perfect to be used in the classroom. Whether you are a chemistry student, a science lover, a periodic table nerd or an element fanatic these jokes, puns and one-liner have all the "elements" of a funny chemistry joke.

1. Why are chemists always happy in the lab?
   They are in their element.
2. Why does oxygen love pool parties?
   There are two Hydrogens for every Oxygen.
3. Why did the bear dissolve in water? It was a polar bear.
4. If Iron Man and Silver Surfer teamed up, they’d be alloys.
5. A neutron asks the bartender how much a drink costs. The bartender says, “For you, no charge.”
6. If trees produced wifi we would be planting them everywhere, too bad they only produce oxygen.
7. People say I'm obsessed with chemistry jokes, "beryllium" not… (But really I'm not)
8. Somewhere, in the universe, there is a world with no war, no hate, no hunger, and no poverty. And also no oxygen.
9. Wanna hear a joke about potassium? K
10. Oxygen and potassium went on a date. It went OK.
11. Henning Brand discovered phosphorous by boiling urine. That’s why they call it P.
12. Diamond and charcoal on their first date:

13. What are the elements of life?
    Lithium and Iron = LiFe
14. Why do you only get bad chemistry jokes?
    The good ones Argon
15. What do you call someone who says that a Lithium and Argon atom bonded?
    A Li-Ar
16. Why did Oxygen leave his Chlorine girlfriend?
    She was toxic.

17. Why don’t people tell a lot of chemistry jokes?
    They are scared of the reaction.
18. How do you laugh at a Helium Joke?
    He He He
19. What do you do with dead Chemists?
    Barium [Ba]
20. What did the Chemist have with his eggs?
    Barium, Cobalt and Nitrogen (BaCoN)
21. What do you call Oxygen and Nitrogen training together?
    Air Conditioning

22. What happens when you eat aluminum?
    You sheet metal
23. Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
    They’re cheaper than day rates.
24. How many particles are in one bowl of guacamole?
    Avocado’s number

25. Have you seen the movie “The Fith Element”?
    It’s boron.
26. If H20 is water; H202 is Hydrogen Peroxide; What is H204?
    Drinking
27. A thread:

28. What do you call it when you catch a piece of plutonium in the ocean?
    Nuclear Fission
29. What did the oxygen atom say to the beryllium atom?
    Sometimes you can be 2 positive. (Because beryllium has a 2+ charge)
30. Why can you never trust an atom?
    They make up everything.
31. What do you call a plant growing in a lab?
    A Chemis(tree)
32. When an element sees a theft to who does he report the crime?
    The Copper
33. What happens to nitrogen in direct sunlight?
    It becomes daytrogen.
34. Why did the proton refuse to speak to the neutron?
    He was mad atom.
35. What is Cole’s Law?
    Thinly sliced cabbage
36. Why are most plutonium elements upset when they turn 24000 years old?
    They have a midlife crisis.
37. What do you call a gun made of Sodium Chloride?
    A-salt rifle
38. Why is ammonia an easy gas to teach about?
    Because it’s basic stuff.

39. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
    The one says: “I’ve lost my electron”
    “Are you sure?” says the other one.
    The first one replies, “Yes, I’m posive!”
40. Helium walks into a bar.
    The bartender says, “We don’t serve noble gasses here.”
    Helium doesn’t react...

The top 10 chemistry jokes on the internet:

41. What do you call a stupid element?
    A boron
42. We couldn’t catch the chemical thieves. They were to phosphorus
43. What do you call an ion that also raps?
    Fluoride, duh (Flo Rida)
44. What kind of fish is made up of only two sodium atoms?
    2 Na
45. What did the hipster ice block say to the water?
    I was water before I was cool.
46. What did the German student say when the teacher said the atomic weight of beryllium is 8.
    “Nein!” (Because beryllium has an atomic weight of 9 and "Nein" means no in German)
47. Fluorine and chlorine walk into a bar. The bartender greets them: “Halo gens”
48. What was neon called before they discovered that it glows?
    Neoff
49. What animal lives underground and consists of 12 grams of carbon?
    A mole.
50. Why doesn’t the photon take any luggage on his vacation?
    He’s travelling light.

Some of these are corny, some of them are dad jokes, and some of them are pure (Au). We hope you enjoyed our list of funny chemistry and periodic table jokes! For more, visit our blog page.